To forgiv may b divin, but no on vr said it was asy. Whn somon has dply hurt you, it can b xtrmly difficult to lt go of your grudg. But forgivnss is possibl -- and it can b surprisingly bnficial to your physical and mntal halth.

Popl who forgiv show lss dprssion, angr and strss and mor hopfulnss, says Frdric, Ph.D., author of Forgiv for Good. So it can hlp sav on th war and tar on our organs, rduc th waring out of th immun systm and allow popl to fl mor vital.

So how do you start th haling? Try following ths stps:

Calm yourslf. To dfus your angr, try a simpl strss-managmnt tchniqu. Tak a coupl of braths and think of somthing that givs you plasur: a bautiful scn in natur, somon you lov, Frdric says.

Don't wait for an apology. Many tims th prson who hurt you has no intntion of apologizing, Frdric says. Thy may hav wantd to hurt you or thy just don't s things th sam way. So if you wait for popl to apologiz, you could b waiting an awfully long tim. Kp in mind that forgivnss dos not ncssarily man rconciliation with th prson who upst you or condoning of his or hr action.

Tak th control away from your offndr. Mntally rplaying your hurt givs powr to th prson who causd you pain. Instad of focusing on your woundd flings, larn to look for th lov, bauty and kindnss around you, Frdric says.

Try to s things from th othr prson's prspctiv. If you mpathiz with that prson, you may raliz that h or sh was acting out of ignoranc, far -- vn lov. To gain prspctiv, you may want to writ a lttr to yourslf from your offndr's point of viw.

Rcogniz th bnfits of forgivnss. Rsarch has shown that popl who forgiv rport mor nrgy, bttr apptit and bttr slp pattrns.

Don't forgt to forgiv yourslf. For som popl, forgiving thmslvs is th biggst challng, Frdric says. But it can rob you of your slf-confidnc if you don't do it.

宽恕的艺术

宽恕是神圣的，但是没有人说很容易做到宽恕别人。当你被深深伤害的时候，想要不怀恨在心是很难做到的。但是宽恕是可能的——而且这会给你的身心健康带来出乎意料的益处。

《宽恕的好处》一书的作者弗雷德里克博士说。 “懂得宽恕的人不会感到那么沮丧、愤怒和紧张，他们总是充满希望。所以宽恕有助于减少人体各种器官的损耗，降低免疫系统的疲劳程度并使人精力更加充沛。”

那么，如何恢复自己的情绪呢？试试下面的一些步骤吧：

让自己冷静下来。尝试一种简单的减压技巧来缓解你愤怒的情绪。弗雷德里克建议：“做几次深呼吸，然后想想那些令你快乐的事情，比如自然界的美丽景色，或者你爱的人。”

不要等别人来道歉。弗雷德里克说：“许多时候，伤害你的人没有想过要道歉。他们可能是故意的，也可能只是和你看待事物的方式不一样。所以如果你等着别人来道歉，你可能会等相当长的时间。”你要牢记，宽恕并不一定意味着顺从那些让你心烦意乱的人，也不意味着饶恕他或她的行为。

不要让冒犯你的人控制你的情绪。内心里总是想着自己的伤痛，只会给伤害你的人打气。弗雷德里克说：“与其老是关注自己受到的伤害，还不如学着去寻找你身边的真善美。”

试着从别人的角度来看问题。如果你站在别人的立场上，你也许会意识到他或她是因为无知、害怕、甚至是爱才那样做的。为了能够站在别人的角度来看问题，你可以从冒犯你的人的立场给你自己写一封信。

认识到宽恕的益处。研究表明懂得宽恕的人精力更旺盛、食欲更好、睡觉更香。

不要忘了宽恕自己。弗雷德里克说：“对于有些人来说，宽恕自己才是最大的挑战。但是如果你不宽恕自己，你会失去自信。”